Sometimes, it’s all worth it. She smiles while you’re talking to her and the fact that your shirt is covered in curdled milk really doesn’t matter at all. And then sometimes, you’re really glad that the CPH brought home a tasty malted beverage just for you, because you really do need to relax before she starts screaming and crying again for no known reason. But still it’s all the same. You’re estatic when she smiles and your just as overjoyed when she screams because at least that means she knows what she wants (and you’re not giving it to her!). Don’t get me wrong. It’s still annoying, but a little bit of you is happy she cries when there are some who never cry at all.

I think I’ve mentioned before the almost impossibile, but true story about how four sets of friends became pregnant at nearly the same time. The CPH and I were one of those sets. We were due to welcome our little banana into the world a little earlier than the others, but as we all know, Cosette is a Beeler and therefore will never ever arrive anywhere on time. So, she stuck around for nearly two weeks so she could be closer in age to her new friends. And that’s how it happened. Two weeks after she was born, Liz went into labor early and Atlas was born to her and Michael. Not even a week later, we got to meet James and Kate’s little Finn. And finally, a week after that, Nathan and Carrie had little Asher. Asher was the only one that waited until his due date, ending the baby train.
As if the anomaly of the co-terminous pregnancies wasn’t enough, the friendships of these little kids will be as parallel as their living arrangements. Right now, Finn, Atlas and Asher live in a literal line. House behind house behind house. Come September, Atlas and family will be leaving their house and we will be moving in. Atlas’ mom and dad had talked about moving to Portland. Those plans have changed. We’re trying to talk them into buying a house on the same street from which they will be moving.
We four sets of friends have already begun to imagine what our little ones will look like playing together. Who will be in charge? Who will be the caretaker of the group? Who will be the one who always tells the jokes and who will be the one whose eyes will roll when the same jokes are told over and over? They have been named the Fantastic Four – a moniker that I adore.
Last night, a group of people were sitting and praying and crying. See, Atlas is sick. Very sick. He’s stabalizing. Finally leaving the ICU, but staying in the hospital for maybe a month more. His problems are too many to recount, but there is hope…and faith that he will pull through and he will get to come home.
As I sat there holding Cosette and listening to the prayers, I lifted one up of my own. I am so thankful for the fantastic four – Cosette, Atlas, Finn and Asher. I can not begin to express how excited I am that Cosette will be a part of each of their lives and they are a part of hers. I prayed that Cosette, Finn and Asher are already being formed to be the kind of friends to Atlas that stories are made of. I prayed that all four of their little hearts would be open to love each other in a way that exceeds any friendships that we have now.

I know. I can’t believe it’s been four weeks.

If you haven’t already heard me say it, I have to admit that the labor part is pretty much a blur. According to some, I am of amazonian strentgh. And according to others, I’m just plain crazy for going through all that pain and suffering without a stitch of pain medication.
I’m not sure where I would catergorize myself. Let’s just say that I’d abso-fucking-lutely do it all over again. Of course, if I had my druthers, I would skip the whole inducing of labor part, but even if I couldn’t, I’d still be willing. Now that said, I won’t be doing it (God willing) for at least another year, maybe two, but…
In retrospect, the most amazing part of the delivery happened just before it was time to push. I remember, again in retrospect, our amazing nurse telling me that pretty soon it’s going to feel like I need to push. It may even, she explained, feel like I am pushing. She assured me that as long as I kept my breathing consistent and my thoughts clear, that everything would be okay. She said that what I would be feeling isn’t actually me pushing, but my baby bearing down, working with me to come into this world.
So, when that happened (and believe me, I really did feel like I was doing something wrong, pushing before it was time), I guess in a sense Cosette and I were working together. She and I – doing our first Mother-Daughter event. It was like she was helping me along, letting me know that I wasn’t doing this all on my own. It was like she was telling me that she had a part in this too.
Also, if you haven’t already heard me say it, labor was the easiest thing about this whole “bringing another human into this world” gig. Breastfeeding – much worse, let me tell you. We’re getting the hang of it – again noting that we’re having to do it together, how this isn’t all about me. I have to say that the most heart breaking thing in the world (so far) has to be when your baby cries when she’s sucking on your breast. And the thoughts that run through your head – is she getting too much? is she not getting enough?
That said, she’s growing – by leaps and bounds some may say. So like I said, we’re getting the hang of it.
She’s already growing so fast. I can’t believe how much she’s advanced in these four weeks. Her neck is so strong. I swear, as we were walking to some friend’s house the other night and she was resting on my shoulder, she lifted her head and held it there for a good 10 seconds so she could have a look around. And the other day – the CPH and I just laughed (and stared in amazement) as she lay on the carpet and practiced her vocal chords. She wasn’t crying. She was simply making sounds, because she was able. Amazing. Really.